


Looking In The Mirror

by StevetheIcecube



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Hurt Tony, I promise, It just slipped out, One Tiny Swear, Poor Tony, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 09:49:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/938528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StevetheIcecube/pseuds/StevetheIcecube
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony just waltzed around being ignorant.</p><p>Well, mostly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Looking In The Mirror

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bella. She introduced Avengers to me.](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Bella.+She+introduced+Avengers+to+me.).



There were days when I'd wake up and wish that I'd never been born.

Or maybe that I hadn't been born as Anthony Edward Stark. Because whenever my name appeared on a magazine, or my face on the news, loads of people were looking at it and thinking. This guy has killed millions. Or they'd tell their children. "Kids, this is what you call a bad man. You don't want to be him."

I'd look in the mirror and a monster was staring back at me. Not the guy I wanted to be. Sure, I wanted to be respected, but deep in my heart I didn't want to be feared.

Because it was all true. I had killed, I'd killed so many people, and I just put a fake face on and ignored it all. I made stupid sounding comments, and flirt with women reporters who were evidently insulting me. Or any women, really.

And then it was all different. I realised that I wasn't that powerful when I was out on my own. I'd invented things that could penetrate the protection I wore. All I was, well, I was just a rich man with genius-level intellect and an MIT degree. I wasn't a fighter at all.

So, that was what I was useful for. A genius who can build weapons. A dying genius, by that point. Dying because of shrapnel from my weapon.

I was alive for that moment. So I refused with all my power to build the stupid missile. Well, it wasn't stupid, but the reason was so stupid.

And I just don't function when I think about the rest. I used to be an okay swimmer. Not Olympic standards or anything, but more of an average 'I won't die if I'm chucked in a pool with clothes on' kind of ability. But after that... I haven't swum since. Don't think I ever will again.

And I tell you, PTSD is not fun at all. Especially when you make an announcement that means that you're gonna make a lot of enemies that you don't fucking want. The people who used to be your friends.


End file.
